Managers Who Minimize

2 hours on Zoom • $165 per Class

This image encapsulates what happens inside us when managers minimize other parts:

The parts in the circle are genuinely trying to communicate something important.

The two “attorneys” have elevated themselves into an absurd position of authority.

The objections are so over-the-top that the minimizing/rationalizing strategy becomes visible rather than invisible.

It captures the protective intention without making the minimizing parts look evil.

This image clearly illustrates how Managers Who Minimize are actually little kids trying to block other parts from speaking.

“Every time a feeling tries to testify, these little lawyers pop up and object.”

If this feels familiar, this workshop is for you!

Many of us have an inner voice that says: “It’s not that bad.” “Just get over it.” “Don’t make such a big deal out of this.”

Before we do something we don’t want to do, this part tells us we’ll be fine. Afterward, it explains why our discomfort, resentment, sadness, fear, or exhaustion wasn’t really a big deal.

From its perspective, it’s helping. It may be trying to keep us functional, productive, reasonable, agreeable, or emotionally steady. It may believe that acknowledging the full reality of our experience would create conflict, overwhelm, disappointment, or pain.

But when this manager takes over, other parts feel invisible. Their needs are minimized, their boundaries are ignored, and their concerns are talked out of existence before they can be fully heard. Over time, parts that are repeatedly minimized may stop speaking up altogether.

In this workshop, we’ll explore the manager parts that downplay, dismiss, rationalize, normalize, and reduce the experiences of other parts.

We’ll learn how to build a more respectful relationship with the minimizer, so the parts it’s been talking over can finally be heard.

Together we’ll discover what happens when every part gets to be heard before another part explains why it doesn’t matter.

Interested? Schedule a free Zoom call or email me to get your questions answered & see if it’s the right fit!

Schedule Free Zoom Call Email me

As I look at this image for this workshop, I feel deeply moved. It’s sad.

It’s sad because the group on the right is just… waiting. Everyone, just hoping to be acknowledged.

They’re not demanding. They’re not dramatic. They’re not angry. They’re simply standing there hoping to be listened to.

And meanwhile the bright, confident guy in the yellow jacket has all the energy, charisma, certainty, and momentum. He looks like he has a plan. He looks reasonable. He looks helpful.

That’s what makes it such a good image for a manager who minimizes.

If the left side were obviously bad, nobody would choose it. The power of the image is that the yellow-suited guy looks attractive, confident, efficient, and persuasive. He says things like:

“We don’t need to get into all that.”

“Let’s move on.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“This isn’t worth dwelling on.”

And yet the emotional center of the image is the five people waiting on the right.

The little boy especially changes the whole picture. With adults, it could feel more abstract. Once you add a child, it becomes much harder to accept the “Just get over it” path without feeling the cost.

The problem isn’t that the minimizing manager exists.

The problem is that if it always gets you to “move on,” eventually other parts stop speaking up.

The image captures the moment right before that happens. The parts are still there. They’re still waiting. They’re still hoping someone will choose the path toward them.

IFS is that path.

From a Fellow IFS Therapist

In IFS-speak, she is one of two people who I say being around their Self energy FEELS like a warm hug. And I’ve only shared virtual spaces with her.

I have learned to access more and more Self energy over the years of my journey since discovering IFS, and I’ve experienced the jolt to the system and kickstart of being in the presence of someone who carries that proverbial ‘critical mass’ of Self energy.

This is what Melissa brings to the table.”

— Jesse Daso, MS, LPC, SAC

Common Reasons to Join This Group:

“I enjoy parts work with my practitioner / coach / therapist, but then I don’t tend to check in with them between sessions.”

“I want to be able to connect more deeply with my parts but my protectors won’t let me.”

“I just don’t feel like journaling.”

“I want to learn from someone who has experience working directly with their parts on their own. I don’t want to just read about the IFS steps from a book.”

“I’d like to connect with other like-minded people who also see IFS as a way of life, not merely something theoretical they’re learning to use with clients.”

If you resonate with any of these statements, then this drop-in group is ideal for you!

Looking for a Smaller Class?

If you’re seeking a 2 hour group with even more time to practice, consider creating
a 3-person DIY IFS Practice Group which meets once a month or quarter for two hours.
Learn more here: www.athousandpaths.com/small

FAQ

Class Safety Agreement

Clarity about our purpose:

To deepen our capacity to do IFS and to develop our Self-leadership as human beings.

Privacy and Confidentiality:

These classes require a private, confidential space. A private room in your home or office. Or a private conference room in a library or your car parked in a quiet space. This is for the safety of all participants, as we can not open and focus inside if we are distracted by external environments.

If you join the Zoom from a public place, like a cafe, store or park, you will be asked to leave the group.

Zoom Video On:

Being able to see everyone in the group enhances safety, so plan to have your video on during most of the class, which is not recorded. Turning video off during personal practice time is fine.

Choice:

You are free to censor what you disclose. No is a complete sentence. Choose to share ONLY what you feel comfortable with.

Confidentiality:

All material everyone shares should not be shared with people who are not members of this group, even if you don’t use their name. You’d be surprised how far stories can travel. To read more, visit https://www.athousandpaths.com/safety-story.

Speak up for Safety:

If you are having difficulty with something that’s triggered you, PLEASE speak for your parts, either directly in the group or as soon as you can afterwards. Please LISTEN to your parts when they tell you what they need in order to feel safe. Safety is our number one value. When you speak for your safety needs, you speak for the safety needs of the whole group.

Speaking for parts, not from parts:

To the extent that you can, speaking for parts, not from them, will help us maintain safety when sharing in the group.

Embodying parts:

During coaching demos, in distinction to other times during the group, feel free to speak FROM parts and to experiment with embodying them. The difference between blending and embodying is: when you are blended, you are in a part and you don’t know you are in a part. When you embody a part, you are in a part and YOU and the part BOTH know you are ‘being’ the part.

No Coercion:

“Thank you, for letting me, be myself!” In this group, there is “no crosstalk.” This means when one person shares, no one judges, gives advice, or reacts against what they shared.

Feedback:  Share how you are inspired or how you resonate with others. DO NOT share judgement, advice, or criticism. If you criticize others in the class, I reserve the right to determine that you may not be the right fit for my classes. Thank you for understanding.

https://radicalifs.substack.com offers endless examples of how parts crosstalk and then repair, if you’re interested in a deeper dive.

Timeliness:

We commit to start and end on time. We start on time; this increases safety and strengthens the container.

Support and responsibility:

Ultimately, the only person who can keep you fully safe in a group is you. I want to do everything I can to make this group a safe space to learn, to go inside, and to share, in whatever ways feel right for you — but you are responsible for listening to the sometimes difficult-to-hear voices who tell you what they REALLY need to be safe.

You are not crazy if you get triggered, it’s ULTRA NORMAL in IFS work. So take care of yourself, and possibly give yourself extra support on days when you do IFS!

Thank you for your commitment to this safety agreement!

For more information about safety, which I take very seriously, here are more links!