Longing & Limerence
Interested? Click below to schedule a quick call to get your questions answered & see if it’s the right fit!
Interested? Reach out!
Coming in 2026
2 hours on Zoom • Not Recorded • Limited to 5 people • $165 investment
One aspect of IFS work that isn’t often addressed is how exiles, our inner children, are motivated to seek a “redeemer,” someone who will help them feel loved, seen and understood in the way they longed to experience as children by a primary attachment figure (usually a parent, sometimes a caretaker).
They are operating on a kind of inner algebra that getting a new “positive” caretaker will cancel out the “negative” original caretaker, as if people are math: 5 + -5 = 0.
Relationships do not work like algebra, this math NEVER works, and the only way to heal the original wounds with our primary caretakers is to grieve them and unburden the pain and undermining beliefs we carry because of them.
Helping exiles let go of their longing for a redeemer is one of the primary projects of IFS.
They are often profoundly stuck in cycles of limerence, desperately seeking love from inappropriate people and situations. These “crushes” or fantasy-based emotional attachments can range from mild to life-disrupting.
And IFS, our goal is to slowly but surely prove that the Self can provide the support, love and connection the exiles are seeking from outside of us.
By showing up consistently, Self can motivate exiles to do a u-turn: to turn towards the Self to be their primary caretaker instead of seeking that outside.
In this class, we will work with either the exiles who experience longing for various things or people, or the protectors who react to the exile’s longing.
Limerence and longing are powerful internal forces that it pays to be prepared to work with!
This class will help you understand more about how to work with these emotions in more productive, compassionate, supportive and spacious ways.
Knowledge is power, and the more you understand about some of the more common dynamics that arise in IFS work, the more prepared you will be to work with your parts successfully!
IFS Live Online Class
Click Here to Schedule a free chat to see if this group is for you
The DIY classes are currently running à la carte—you can try one and see how you like it without committing to a monthly class series. (If you prefer a smaller, closed group, the more intimate three-person group may be right for you).
Each class has a similar structure; the only difference is the technique or topic we focus on. In this way, it functions as BOTH a learning / teaching class and an ongoing experiential practice group. You can take it once to learn a technique or focus on a topic, then continue to drop in to future groups to continue practicing.
In the group, we will:
-Go inside to connect with our parts
-Share what feels comfortable
-20 minute demonstration of an IFS session
-Share how the demonstration inspired or resonated with us
-We share from the heart, not the head — no judgement or analysis, just authentic responses
-Take 8-10 minutes to practice the technique
-Share our inner work in whatever way feels comfortable
-Close out our time with a word or phrase we are taking away from the experience.
Because of the HIGHLY experiential, personal nature of the group, it will not be recorded.
This class is the best fit for:
-Open-hearted people who have a basic ability to work with their parts
-People who want to learn how to work more deeply with their parts
-IFS lovers who want to learn how to get unblended more easily ON THEIR OWN
-People who want to learn and practice IFS techniques in a supportive container
We are a very small, intimate group of five who create a supportive, connected community
If you are looking for a place to:
-do deeper work
-with emotionally mature, IFS-savvy folks
-in a safe container
-of mutual support and encouragement
I invite you to consider this group!
If you want to learn more about it, sign up for a free Zoom call with me. I do a Zoom with everyone who takes a class, so you have a sense of safety with me coming in to the class, to find out if it's the right fit, and to have your questions answered!
https://calendly.com/melissas/complimentary-consultation-with-melissa
Testimonial:
“Melissa’s DIY IFS (DIY) IFS courses gave me a quantum leap in my inner work practice. Before, although I had a daily journaling practice, I was pretty reliant on life coaching for doing deep work. Now, thanks to the DIY IFS beginner and advanced course, I have the skills to be my own therapist. My own practice and my relationship with myself are so much deeper, more trusting, and more productive. The courses epitomize Melissa’s motto, “Work smarter, not harder,” making inner work more fun and more efficient. Every part of me recommends them with great enthusiasm. They have totally changed my life!”
— Liv Love
Click Here to Schedule a free chat to see if this group is for you
Our Group Structure
In the group, we will:
- Introduce ourselves to each other
- Go inside to connect with our parts for three minutes in silence
- Share what feels comfortable
- Have a discussion about the specific IFS topic in this class
- Melissa answers questions, based on her 2,350 hours of IFS training and 23 years of experience
- Brief discussion of themes and issues that arose
- 20-minute IFS demonstration of the topic of the class
- Heartfelt sharing after the demo
- Time for personal practice BY YOURSELF on YOURSELF for 8-10 minutes
- Sharing about your practice experience, whatever feels comfortable
- Close with a word or phrase we are taking away from the experience
This class is the best fit for:
- Open-hearted people who have a basic ability to work with their parts
- People who want to learn how to work more deeply with their parts
- IFS lovers who want to learn how to do IFS on themselves, and want support
- IFS coaches and therapists seeking guidance in a low-key, friendly setting with a master IFS practitioner
If you are looking for a place to hone your IFS skills with emotionally mature, IFS-savvy folks in a safe container of mutual support and encouragement — this group is for you!
Does any of this sound familiar?
“I enjoy parts work with my practitioner / coach / therapist, but then I don’t tend to check in with them between sessions.”
“I want to be able to connect more deeply with my parts but my protectors won’t let me.”
“I just don’t feel like journaling.”
“I want to learn from someone who has experience working directly with their parts on their own. I don’t want to just read about the IFS steps from a book.”
“I’d like to connect with other like-minded people who also see IFS as a way of life, not merely something theoretical they’re learning to use with clients.”
If you resonate with any of these statements, then this drop-in group is ideal for you!
Imagine having a 24-year expert in IFS support you in developing your OWN relationship to your parts.
You’ll learn how to:
• Get questions answered right when they arise, before they begin blocking your work
• Bring compassion to your DIY IFS process
• Provide Self-energy to enhance yours, to create more access to deeper parts
• Help you make IFS a way of life, not just something you do one hour a week with a practitioner
• Build a supportive community: Connect with other IFS folks and also to other IFS resources
Looking for a Smaller Class?
If you’re seeking a 2 hour group with even more time to practice, consider creating a 3-person DIY IFS Practice Group which meets once a month or quarter for two hours. Learn more here: www.athousandpaths.com/small
All About Melissa’s IFS Classes!
Learn from a 24-year IFS Expert:
Melissa Sandfort has been an IFS Certified Practitioner since 2010.
From 2002-2017, Melissa dedicated herself to learning IFS from the inside out, taking 20 IFS trainings with the Institute for Self-Leadership. Specifically:
• 2 Level 1 IFS trainings
• 5 Level 2 IFS trainings, including all 3 levels of Intimacy from the Inside Out
• 13 Level 3 IFS trainings with Richard Schwartz
With over 1,000 hours of in-person training with the founder of IFS, Richard Schwartz, and over 2,350 hours of IFS training including dozens of retreats and workshops, she has a depth of IFS training few can match!
However, what truly sets her apart is her profound personal commitment to the practice of IFS in her own life.
Building on a very solid foundation of IFS training, she has slowly increased her capacity to do IFS by herself, on herself, and now has a daily self-IFS practice of 2-3 hours of intensive IFS work on herself every day.
She has currently done over 8,000 hours of her own, personal IFS work. And that number increases by 730+ hours a year!
To get a sense of this work, you can listen to a free podcast of one of her personal IFS sessions.
As a passionate advocate of the power of IFS to transform lives, unravel trauma, and help us all come home to our Self, Melissa is dedicated to sharing her IFS expertise in the most creative and loving ways possible!
To that end, she offers her own work as a model for DIY IFS — how to do your own IFS work with yourself! She has two Substacks where she shares this work:
Radical IFS - https://radicalifs.substack.com/about
Radical IFS podcast - https://radicalifs.substack.com/podcast
This class is your chance to learn from a Master IFS practitioner about how to work with your own parts, based on decades of radically intense IFS practice.
What is the refund policy?
There are no refunds. If you must miss a class, you can transfer your registration to a future class!
I have done everything I can to provide an affordable class full of value.
If a refund policy is important to you, I am the wrong teacher for you. I ask that you think carefully before purchasing a class so that it is the right match for you.
Thanks for understanding!
Class Safety Agreement
Clarity about our purpose:
To deepen our capacity to do IFS and to develop our Self-leadership as human beings.
Privacy and Confidentiality:
These classes require a private, confidential space. A private room in your home or office. Or a private conference room in a library or your car parked in a quiet space. This is for the safety of all participants, as we can not open and focus inside if we are distracted by external environments.
If you join the Zoom from a public place, like a cafe, store or park, you will be asked to leave the group.
Zoom Video On:
Being able to see everyone in the group enhances safety, so plan to have your video on during most of the class, which is not recorded. Turning video off during personal practice time is fine.
Choice:
You are free to censor what you disclose. No is a complete sentence. Choose to share ONLY what you feel comfortable with.
Confidentiality:
All material everyone shares should not be shared with people who are not members of this group, even if you don’t use their name. You’d be surprised how far stories can travel. To read more, visit https://www.athousandpaths.com/safety-story.
Speak up for Safety:
If you are having difficulty with something that’s triggered you, PLEASE speak for your parts, either directly in the group or as soon as you can afterwards. Please LISTEN to your parts when they tell you what they need in order to feel safe. Safety is our number one value. When you speak for your safety needs, you speak for the safety needs of the whole group.
Speaking for parts, not from parts:
To the extent that you can, speaking for parts, not from them, will help us maintain safety when sharing in the group.
Embodying parts:
During coaching demos, in distinction to other times during the group, feel free to speak FROM parts and to experiment with embodying them. The difference between blending and embodying is: when you are blended, you are in a part and you don’t know you are in a part. When you embody a part, you are in a part and YOU and the part BOTH know you are ‘being’ the part.
No Coercion:
“Thank you, for letting me, be myself!” In this group, there is “no crosstalk.” This means when one person shares, no one judges, gives advice, or reacts against what they shared.
Feedback: Share how you are inspired or how you resonate with others. DO NOT share judgement, advice, or criticism. If you criticize others in the class, I reserve the right to determine that you may not be the right fit for my classes. Thank you for understanding.
https://radicalifs.substack.com offers endless examples of how parts crosstalk and then repair, if you’re interested in a deeper dive.
Timeliness:
We commit to start and end on time. We start on time; this increases safety and strengthens the container.
Support and responsibility:
Ultimately, the only person who can keep you fully safe in a group is you. I want to do everything I can to make this group a safe space to learn, to go inside, and to share, in whatever ways feel right for you — but you are responsible for listening to the sometimes difficult-to-hear voices who tell you what they REALLY need to be safe.
You are not crazy if you get triggered, it’s ULTRA NORMAL in IFS work. So take care of yourself, and possibly give yourself extra support on days when you do IFS!
Thank you for your commitment to this safety agreement!
For more information about safety, which I take very seriously, here are more links!
Melissa’s DIY IFS courses gave me a quantum leap in my inner work practice.
Before, although I had a daily journaling practice, I was pretty reliant on life coaching for doing deep work.
Now, thanks to the DIY IFS beginner and advanced course, I have the skills to be my own therapist.
My own practice and my relationship with myself are so much deeper, more trusting, and more productive.
The courses epitomize Melissa’s motto, “Work smarter, not harder,” making inner work more fun and more efficient.
Every part of me recommends them with great enthusiasm. They have totally changed my life!
—Liv Love
A Thousand Paths Life Coaching, Chicago 847-804-3200
Life Coaching in person in Chicago or anywhere by phone or Zoom
Copyright @2026