How to tell the difference between Self and Self-Like Parts
Self-like Parts in IFS
Interested? Click below to schedule a quick call to get your questions answered & see if it’s the right fit!
Sunday, December 14 •11- 1pm Central Time
2 hours on Zoom • $165 investment
What is Self?
In IFS, Self is your innate core consciousness.
Self isn’t a part—it’s the essence of you.
It has the 8 C qualities:
Calm
Curiosity
Clarity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Creativity
Connectedness
When you’re leading from Self, you feel:
spacious
grounded
present
non-reactive
open-hearted
Self doesn’t have an agenda other than healing, connection, and truth.
What are Self-Like Parts?
A Self-like Part is a manager part that imitates Self energy—but isn’t Self.
It often sounds:
spiritual
wise
calm
neutral
“above it all”
reassuring
But beneath the surface, it still has:
a protective agenda
fear
pressure
tension
a desire to control or manage the system
These parts often learned to act like Self because that persona kept the system safe.
How to Tell the Difference
Self feels spacious; Self-like parts feel tight or “performing.”
Self:
“I’m here with you.”
This feels open.
Self-like part:
“Okay, let’s stay calm.”
This often feels effortful.
Self is curious; Self-like parts are invested in an outcome.
Self:
“I wonder what this part needs.”
Self-like part:
“Let’s get this healed, fixed, or under control.”
Self doesn’t rush; Self-like parts subtly pressure.
Self:
“We can take as long as needed.”
Self-like:
“Let’s keep moving so we can get the work done.”
Self welcomes all parts; Self-like parts are judgey, and have an intention of ‘achieving’ something.
Self:
“I can be with your anger.”
Self-like:
“Let’s stay positive.”
(or)
“Let’s not go there right now.”
Self has compassion; Self-like parts perform compassion.
A Self-like part can speak in a very spiritual or enlightened tone,
but something feels slightly hollow or performative.
Why We Have Self-Like Parts
Many people—especially those with trauma, spiritual training, or strong manager systems—develop parts that learned:
“If I act calm, no one will hurt me.”
“If I seem enlightened, people will trust me.”
“If I stay in control, emotions won't overwhelm the system.”
Self-like parts often emerge from:
childhood fawning or appeasing
spiritual bypassing
perfectionism
hyper-independence
therapeutic over-efforting
They’re usually trying to help by imitating what they believe Self should look like.
How to Work With Self-Like Parts
The key is not to fight or suppress them.
Instead:
Notice the “self-like” signature (pressure, tightness, agenda).
Turn toward that part with compassion.
Ask:
“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t manage the system this way?”
Let it share its fears.
Appreciate its efforts.
Invite it to step back and let actual Self lead.
When this happens, the real Self energy expands.
Why It Matters
Recognizing the difference allows:
deeper unblending
more authentic Self-leadership
healing that isn’t performative or spiritualized
faster access to exiles
protectors to trust the system more
Many people experience a huge shift when they realize:
“Oh! That ‘wise voice’ wasn’t Self… it was a manager trying to keep things safe.”
This realization opens the door to true Self-energy.
IFS Live Online Class
Click Here to Schedule a free chat to see if this group is for you
In the group, we will:
-Introduce ourselves to each other!
-Go inside to connect with our parts for three minutes in silence
-Share what feels comfortable
-Have a discussion about the specific IFS topic in this class
-Have Melissa answer questions, based on her 2,350 hours of IFS training and 23 years of experience
-Brief discussion of themes and issues that arose
-20 minute IFS demonstration of the topic of the class
-Heartfelt sharing after the demo: how you resonated or were inspired by the session
-Time for personal practice BY YOURSELF on YOURSELF for 10-15 minutes usually
-Sharing about your practice experience, whatever feels comfortable
-Close out our time with a word or phrase we are taking away from the experience.
-People who want to learn about upcoming classes / sign up for upcoming classes can stay for a few minutes after the class ends, but there is no obligation to stay, it’s just a convenient time if you want it.
This class is the best fit for:
-Open-hearted people who have a basic ability to work with their parts
-People who want to learn how to work more deeply with their parts
-IFS lovers who want to learn how to do IFS on themselves, and want support
-IFS coaches and therapists who are seeking guidance in a very low-key, friendly setting with a master IFS practitioner
If you are looking for a place to:
-hone your IFS skills
-with emotionally mature, IFS-savvy folks
-in a safe container
-of mutual support and encouragement
I invite you to consider this group!
If you want to learn more, sign up for a free Zoom call with me, or watch one of my YouTube interviews to get a better sense of me as a person!
https://calendly.com/melissas/complimentary-consultation-with-melissa
Click Here to Schedule a free chat to see if this group is for you
Self-like Parts in IFS
Sunday, December 14 •11- 1pm Central Time
Our Group Structure:
Introductions
Going inside/ Journaling
We will begin as all IFS gatherings do, by going inside to connect to ourselves and center. Feel free to journal.
Sharing
A spacious check-in
Teaching and Q & A about the class topic
20 minute IFS Session Demonstration
Heartfelt feedback after the demo
Time to practice with your own parts
Sharing
Time to share any insights you want to share
Closing
After that, we’ll close with a word or phrase we’re taking with us.
Details
Does any of this sound familiar?
"I enjoy parts work with my practitioner / coach / therapist, but then I don’t tend to check in with them between sessions.”
"I want to be able to connect more deeply with my parts but my protectors won’t let me.”
“I just don’t feel like journaling.”
“I want to learn from someone who has experience working directly with their parts on their own. I don’t want to just read about the IFS steps from a book.”
“I’d like to connect with other like-minded people who also see IFS as a way of life, not merely something theoretical they’re learning to use with clients.”
If you resonate with any of these statements, then this drop-in group is ideal for you!
Imagine having a 23-year expert in IFS support you in developing your OWN relationship to your parts.
You’ll learn how to:
• Get questions answered right when they arise, before they begin blocking your work
• Bring compassion to your DIY IFS process
• Provide Self-energy to enhance yours, to create more access to deeper parts
• Help you make IFS a way of life, not just something you do one hour a week with a practitioner
• Build a supportive community: Connect with other IFS folks and also to other IFS resources
Looking for a Smaller Class?
If you’re seeking a 2 hour group with time to practice, consider creating a 3-person Deeper Intimacy with Yourself (DIY) IFS Practice Group which meets once a month or quarter for two hours. Learn more here: www.athousandpaths.com/small
About Melissa:
Learn from a 23-year IFS Expert:
Melissa Sandfort has been an IFS Certified Practitioner since 2010.
From 2002-2017, Melissa dedicated herself to learning IFS from the inside out, taking 20 IFS trainings with the Institute for Self-Leadership. Specifically:
• 2 Level 1 IFS trainings
• 5 Level 2 IFS trainings, including all 3 levels of Intimacy from the Inside Out
• 13 Level 3 IFS trainings with Richard Schwartz
With over 1,000 hours of in-person training with the founder of IFS, Richard Schwartz, and over 2,350 hours of IFS training including dozens of retreats and workshops, she has a depth of IFS training few can match!
However, what truly sets her apart is her profound personal commitment to the practice of IFS in her own life.
Building on a very solid foundation of IFS training, she has slowly increased her capacity to do IFS by herself, on herself, and now has a daily self-IFS practice of 2-3 hours of intensive IFS work on herself every day.
She has currently done over 8,000 hours of her own, personal IFS work. And that number increases by 730+ hours a year!
To get a sense of this work, you can listen to a free podcast of one of her personal IFS sessions.
As a passionate advocate of the power of IFS to transform lives, unravel trauma, and help us all come home to our Self, Melissa is dedicated to sharing her IFS expertise in the most creative and loving ways possible!
To that end, she offers her own work as a model for how to achieve Deeper Intimacy with Yourself (DIY) with IFS! She has two Substacks where she shares this work:
Radical IFS - https://radicalifs.substack.com/about
Radical IFS podcast - https://radicalifs.substack.com/podcast
This class is your chance to learn from a Master IFS practitioner about how to work with your own parts, based on decades of radically intense IFS practice.
FAQ
What is the refund policy?
There are no refunds. If you must miss a class, you can transfer your registration to a future class!
I have done everything I can to provide an affordable class full of value.
I put my heart into all my classes. It actually breaks my heart when people want a refund, and I can’t put so much love and care into my classes and then be heartbroken when people ask for refunds. Therefore, I have a no-refund policy for all my classes!
This keeps my heart and my parts safe, so that I can be vulnerable and excited about offering what I offer.
If a refund policy is important to you, I am the wrong teacher for you! I give everything I can, and in return I ask that you honor me by thinking before buying a course so that it is the right match for you.
Thanks for understanding!
Class Safety Agreement
Clarity about our purpose:
To deepen our capacity to do IFS and to develop our Self-leadership as human beings.
Choice:
You are free to censor what you disclose. No is a complete sentence. Choose to share ONLY what you feel comfortable with.
Confidentiality:
All material everyone shares should not be shared with people who are not members of this group, even if you don’t use their name. You’d be surprised how far stories can travel. To read more, visit https://www.athousandpaths.com/safety-story.
Speak up for Safety:
If you are having difficulty with something that’s triggered you, PLEASE speak for your parts, either directly in the group or as soon as you can afterwards. Please LISTEN to your parts when they tell you what they need in order to feel safe. Safety is our number one value. When you speak for your safety needs, you speak for the safety needs of the whole group.
Speaking for parts, not from parts:
To the extent that you can, speaking for parts, not from them, will help us maintain safety when sharing in the group.
Embodying parts:
During coaching demos, in distinction to other times during the group, feel free to speak FROM parts and to experiment with embodying them. The difference between blending and embodying is: when you are blended, you are in a part and you don’t know you are in a part. When you embody a part, you are in a part and YOU and the part BOTH know you are ‘being’ the part.
No Coercion:
"Thank you, for letting me, be myself!” In this group, there is “no crosstalk.” This means when one person shares, no one judges, gives advice, or reacts against what they shared.
Feedback: Share how you are inspired or how you resonate with others. DO NOT share judgement, advice, or criticism. If you criticize others in the class, I reserve the right to determine that you may not be the right fit for my classes. Thank you for understanding.
https://radicalifs.substack.com offers endless examples of how parts crosstalk and then repair, if you’re interested in a deeper dive.
Timeliness:
We commit to start and end on time. We start on time; this increases safety and strengthens the container.
Support and responsibility:
Ultimately, the only person who can keep you fully safe in a group is you. I want to do everything I can to make this group a safe space to learn, to go inside, and to share, in whatever ways feel right for you — but you are responsible for listening to the sometimes difficult-to-hear voices who tell you what they REALLY need to be safe.
You are not crazy if you get triggered, it’s ULTRA NORMAL in IFS work. So take care of yourself, and possibly give yourself extra support on days when you do IFS!
Thank you for your commitment to this safety agreement!
Melissa’s Deeper Intimacy with Your Self courses gave me a quantum leap in my inner work practice.
Before, although I had a daily journaling practice, I was pretty reliant on life coaching for doing deep work.
Now, thanks to the DIY IFS beginner and advanced course, I have the skills to be my own therapist.
My own practice and my relationship with myself are so much deeper, more trusting, and more productive.
The courses epitomize Melissa’s motto, “Work smarter, not harder,” making inner work more fun and more efficient.
Every part of me recommends them with great enthusiasm. They have totally changed my life!
—Liv Love